


Sandpaper Heart

by Eternal Scribe (Shadowcat)



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, gatheringfiki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 09:56:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18179123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat/pseuds/Eternal%20Scribe
Summary: “We broke a while ago but now we both have to go on a road trip to make all our friends happy, this is harder than I thought”





	Sandpaper Heart

He should have said no.

That thought was going through his head when he heard a familiar voice as he and Gimli approached the bonfire.

When Gimli had approached him back home about the road trip their closest friends were all going on, he hadn't thought much about the particulars. He should have.

After all, Gimli was his best friend and he and his boyfriend, Legolas, had arranged this as some kind of quest or something. A pilgrimage to regain things about themselves they had lost. They had all been close for years, but the last two or three years had been hard on each one of them for some reason and this was a chance to put aside those events that harmed them. They all had something happen, though rarely the same thing, so Fili could appreciate this idea.

Of course, he should have been thinking harder about this. If Gimli was bringing him, then there was a chance that Legolas was also bringing his best friend.

Kili whom he had loved.

Kili whom he had hurt.

Kili who had taken his heart with him when he left their small town.

All of these thoughts crashed into his brain when he heard that once beloved, rich voice.

_“My song for you this evening, it's not to make you sad_   
_Nor for adding to the sorrows of our troubled northern land_   
_But lately I've been thinking and it just won't leave my mind_   
_I'll tell you of two friends one time who were both good friends of mine_

_Now I don't know where the moral is or where this song should end_   
_But I wonder just how many wars are fought between good friends_   
_And those who give the orders are not the ones to die_   
_It's Scott and McDonald and the likes of you and I…”_

Fili stood frozen, trying to stay hiding in the shadows as he listened to Kili sing. He couldn't see him, yet, but he didn't need to. Memory was a very powerful thing and he could well imagine how he looked right, leaned over his guitar that he took everywhere, dark hair covering his face as he focused on the chords.

He knew the song he was singing. A cover of a song by Tommy Sands -- one Kili had sung all of his life and the song that had ended up changing both of their lives in one night.

_“There were roses, roses… there were roses… and the tears of the people ran together.”_ Kili's voice became hushed, but he didn't have to strain to hear him. No one else made a sound. _“There were roses… ro-o-ses. There were ro-o-o-ses…”_

Why in the hell had he agreed to this?

A month on the road with his closest friends.

This was going to suck so much.

He turned to glare at Gimli who shrugged. "Deal with it. I don't know what happened between you two and usually, I wouldn't fucking care because that's your business. However, you've been a miserable ass for the last few years and Legolas said Kili has been, as well. What I do know is two weeks ago, Tauriel went to visit her brother where he was performing. Three days later she called Legolas in a panic and Legolas disappeared up there for a week. When he came back he was pissed as fucking hell, but he had Kili in tow and has been handling him with kid gloves." Gimli narrowed his eyes. "However, if you do anything to upset Legolas on this trip I will pound you. We all need this getaway and you will put on your big boy panties and act like a relatively mature human being."

Fili stared at him for a moment, a look of confusion replacing the worry that had been there seconds ago. "Did you just tell me... to put on my big boy... panties?"

Gimli sighed. "Fuck. A thing Tauriel says and it must have weaseled itself into my brain. I will need many bottles of Scotch to get rid of it."

Fili couldn't help the grin that crossed his features as he looked at his best friend. "I am finding it hilarious that you are picking up on phrases that Legolas' cousin is quite fond of using."

"Yeah, well, the twins are Legolas' closest family so we've spent a lot of time with Tauriel in recent months. I was bound to pick up something from her in all of that time."

Fili took a deep breath, sure he didn't want the answer, but unable to stop himself from asking the question. "What happened to Kili that sent Legolas into such a rage, Gim?"

Gimli sighed and then shook his head. "I really wish I knew, Fili. Legolas won't talk about it, neither will Tauriel; and I have been threatened with an open-ended time of celibacy if I even dare look like I am going to ask Kili about it." He shrugged. "As much as I want to know what happened to my friend to cause such reactions, my desire to be able to fuck my boyfriend and be fucked by him often outweighs my curiosity."

Fili swallowed, hating all of the mental images that were going through his head as to what could have happened to cause Legolas and Tauriel to be so upset. "Is he... is he ok?"

Gimli looked over at where Kili was shaking his head at something his sister said and trying to push the guitar away. "I don't know. He seems tired, but that's as much as I can find out since they arrived. I figure we'll be able to find out more on this trip since he can't run away from anyone."

"You're talking like we're going to be keeping him a prisoner."

He looked back at Fili with an eyebrow raised. "Isn't that we're doing by making sure he's on this extended trip with us and not alone in a city somewhere hiding from us and dealing with whatever happened?"

Fili had to admit that he had a very good point. With Kili on a road trip with their group, he wouldn't be alone and he wouldn't be allowed to run away and hide like they all knew he sometimes did.

Like Fili had once caused him to, even though his heart had been in the right place.

"He seems sad. I mean, he doesn't have the same sparkle he had a few years ago."

"Yeah? The same could be said about you, you know."

"We are not discussing me. We're discussing Kili."

"I am happy to also discuss you, buddy. I mean, you have never given me a straight answer about what happened the night you dumped him on his ass and threw his heart in the dirt next to him."

Fili stared at him. "Excuse me?"

"One of his new songs. Legolas has a copy of a demo that he put together not too long ago. I'm sure he'd be happy to play it for you."

"How many songs are on that disk?" He couldn't resist asking, knew he probably shouldn't, but he had to know.

Gimli sighed. "Eight. The title of the compilation is _Sandpaper Heart_."

"Ouch."

He shouldn't have been surprised that Kili wrote a song about their break-up. He always dealt better with pain when he wrote it out or found songs that resembled real life. It was one of those things that had always impressed him about Kili. He could find a poem or song for anything.

Of course, finding out that he had become his ex-boyfriend's muse caused weight to sit heavily in his stomach. He had always tried to inspire Kili during the time that they were together, but he hadn't expected to feel so horrible to find out that he was the muse for an entire CD of sad love songs.

He was going to regret asking, he knew he was, and still...

"Are they all sad songs, Gimli?"

Gimli was quiet for a moment. "There's one that starts out so that you think it's going to be one of those really happy, hopeful love songs," he admitted. "Lifted hearts, feeling connected and all of that. But at the end of the song, you realize you just heard his heart break apart."

"Ouch again." 

"You did ask."

Fili sighed. "I know. I shouldn't have but my curiosity can be an evil damn thing."

"A trait you share with Kili."

"Does he have any idea that I'm coming along on this trip?"

"I honestly don't know if Tauriel and Legolas told him or not. I do know that Legolas said he had to be very blunt with Kili in that he had to come with us and was not allowed to be alone."

"Not allowed to be..." Fili reached out and grabbed Gimli's arm, squeezing hard. "Gimli... did he... did Kili try to hurt himself?!"

Gimli stared at him in shock, his jaw dropping as he processed what Fili was asking him. "What? No!" He hissed as he yanked his arm out of Fili's painful grip. "Why would you even ask that?"

"Because you said he wasn't allowed to be left alone and had to come on this trip. That's one of the first things to do with someone who has tried to kill himself or do themselves harm in any way."

Gimli stared at him for a moment longer and then let out his breath. "No. Legolas didn't give me many details, but he did let me know was that nothing that happened had been of Kili's doing or any fault of his."

The relief in Fili's expression must have revealed something else because Gimli shook his head. "You are still so fucking head over hills in love with that boy, Fili."

"It doesn't matter if I am or not. It just wasn't meant for us to be together."

"Why? You never told me why you broke up with him when the two of you were so tangled up together. And don't bullshit me, either. I know that Kili didn't cheat on you and you're the one who broke up with him."

"No, you're right, Kili didn't cheat on me. In fact, he didn't do anything wrong at all."

"And yet you broke up with him and he left town to pursue his dream... alone."

"Is there any chance I am not going to have to answer your question, Gimli?"

"Not a chance in fucking hell."

Fili sighed. "I thought not." He closed his eyes, then opened them again, watching Kili finally start to strum the strings on his guitar again. "Remember that open mic night that we all went to? The one that had a full house and we signed Kili up to sing?"

"Of course I do. It was an amazing night. Seeing other people appreciate our friend's talent as we do was something that we were glad to _finally_ see."

"Yeah it was... and it also made me realize something."

"I am almost afraid because when you say you realize something, there is usually fall out because you are an idiot in those moments."

Fili wished he could deny that, but he knew there was no way. Any time he reacted on his _realizations_ things very rarely worked out the way he had wanted them to.

"He was so amazing up on that stage that night. I mean, we had all heard him sing many times before, but nothing like that night. He was in his element and he was able to sweep up everyone in that crowd with just the power and emotion in his voice. Hearing him sing that night was such a different experience. He had the crowd eating out of the palm of his hand."

"As he should have and deserved."

"Yes, but... I watched him with that crowd and listened to their cheers and applause and knew that he was meant for much better things. He deserved to be on the radio and performing in packed stadiums where it costs a month's salary just to get any kind of seat."

"We _all_ believed in him, Fili," Gimli reminded him with a growl. "That was the whole point of signing him up that night because we all knew he never would have done anything like that himself -- even though it was always obvious that the stage was calling to him."

"I know, but, watching him and how he came alive was so different than anything we had seen before."

"If your next words include _jealous_ or anything like that I will deck you so hard that you will travel into next week."

Fili didn't doubt that, but no, it hadn't been about jealousy. It had been about something so much more powerful. "The idea of being jealous had never entered my mind, Gim," Fili assured him. "Nothing like that. It was just that... in that moment I realized that there was so much out there that was waiting for Kili and he would never chase after his dreams if I didn't do something that forced him into it."

"What. Did. You. Do?"

"I decided that he needed more than me. He deserved more than to be tied to or held back by some stupid jock when he had this amazing talent and so many possibilities. I knew that if I didn't end it between us, he would never pursue his dreams or the things that he could accomplish."

"But you guys didn't break up for another month or so."

"I know. It was one thing to have that realization, but quite another thing to act on it. And maybe, given time, I would have ignored it and not acted on that thought. But then, the day after graduation, the party we all went to at that club and we had help from other classmates to get Kili up on the stage to sing?"

"The one where he sang songs from _Phantom of the Opera_?"

Gimli could be forgiven for not recalling all of the details of that night. After all, they had been pretty drunk.

"No. He sang _Think of Me_ at graduation. The next night we got him to sing ZZ Top and Garth Brooks."

"Oh, yeah, I remember that night. We all shot tequila during _Friends in Low Places_."

Fili nodded. "And after the party when we were leaving, that agent stopped us and wanted to talk to Kili? The one that thought he would be perfect in that new musical that was opening."

His friend nodded. "Yeah... Kili left for New York the next week."

"He did... because I told him I refused to take second place to his music any longer."

Gimli stared at him in shock and Fili didn't flinch when he saw the anger bleed into his friend's eyes. He knew he deserved it and more.

"Fili, and I say this with love as your best friend for all of our lives, you fucking asshole. I knew you could be an idiot, but I never realized that you had the talent to blend asshole and idiocy together into one fucked up cocktail."

"I wasn't trying to be an asshole, Gimli. At the time, I thought that by letting Kili go it would show how very much I loved him."

"But you opened your mouth and ruined it."

Fili nodded. "I opened my mouth and ruined it."

"Well, you'd better figure out what you're going to say to him."

"What do you mean?"

It was then that Fili realized that the notes coming from the guitar had changed into something different. He turned to look and saw Kili staring right at him as he played.

"Because he just realized you were here and I recognize that song."


End file.
